My only friend...The End.

Time flies when you're having fun.

Saturday September 22nd: And that's that. I could have filed last night but I wanted to savour the occasion. To mull it over in the confines of my own brain before sharing it with you. Wouldn't want to get anything wrong now, would I?
Gordon will be going into the Labour Party Conference with his opinion poll lead intact, according to The Press Association, which is to say that when it comes down to him the country would rather be led by him than grinning oaf, Dave.

The Prime Minister has also made headlines in the past 24 hours for refusing to attend an EU summit if Zimbabwe's President Mugabe is present. Now, I'm not sure where I stand on this. With Gordon (along with French President, Nicolas Sarkozy), appointing himself a saviour of the African continent, wouldn't it beneft him to actually sit down and talk to Mugabe? Zimbabwe has problems whichever way you want to look at it, and while Mr. Mugabe is, shall we say, not a fan of the West, he could probably show Gordon a couple of things about the continent as a whole which aren't in any MI5 or MI6 dossier. Just a thought.

The Independent reports that Zimbabwe's UN ambassador, Boniface Chidyausiku, said Mr Brown had "no right to dictate" who should be at the summit. He told the BBC's Newsnight programme that Mr Mugabe "has a sovereign right" to attend the summit. He said: "He is part of Africa. Gordon Brown has no right to dictate who should come to Lisbon."

I don't buy the whole 'It's because he's a dictator who steals from people what rightfully belongs to them' bit coming from Gordon, because, as we all know, he hangs around with George.
The Tanzanian president of the Pan-African Parliament, Gertrude Mongella, went as far as accusing Gordon of trying to "manipulate" Africa. He's been doing the whole 'puppet-master' thing quite a lot recently. Ask Thatcher The Everliving - and seems to be quite adept at it. Definitely not one of the traits that I would have attributed to Gordon on the evening of July 31st. It's amazing how much you can learn about a person when you watch their every move for a month and a half.

Tonight, the entire world was put on alert. Around mid-morning it was announced that Sky News would be broadcasting two songs from tonight's show, live. So everyone gets to feel the love - providing they kneel before Rupert Murdoch.

This evening was a mad scramble across London. I esacaped the Exclusion Zone, only to get stuck in traffic at the infamous A3 bottle neck in Tolworth. Anyone who has driven with me - will be able to tell you that I take tailbacks as a personal affront. If I'd been late, there would have been hell to pay. After a quick stop in Clapham, it was full speed ahead to Greenwich. Upon arriving in Greenwich, one of the capital's finest Hackney Carriages conveyed us with all speed to The O2 and after collecting that manilla envelope from the good people at the desk, it was off to the seats. For the other two shows (August 1st and August 24th), I was on the 3rd floor, behind the loop of the symbol. Tonight, the delightful Stephanie hooked us up (By the way, Ms. Jones - Going to see Prince 3 times is an extravagance. Seeing him 15 times is truly next level. Prime Minister Vs. Prince salutes you). Second floor suite. Right at the pointy, business end of the stage. I was just getting round to breaking my fast for the day (All my people going through, Ramadan - I see you) when the lights went out and the screaming started. Ms. Duck and I ran to the box seats to witness what will, I'm sure be ingrained permanently into the memory of everyone who was present tonight. A sea of purple glow-sticks. No video montage tonight. Just the sound of thunder rolling around the arena, before Prince emerged from the centre of the stage, surrounded by dry ice and tore into a bruising rendition I Feel 4 U. He wasn't playing around tonight. Controversy followed as 20,000 shards of purple light waved in time to the beat.

Damn! That man is so funky, music dances to him.

After a brief break to let the band get settled in, Prince returned to the stage and hit us with some joints. Musicology. Nothing Compares 2 U (which still makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up) and a heartbreakingly beautiful rendition of Somewhere On Earth, Kiss, Let's Go Crazy, When U Were Mine, Sometimesitsnowsinapril were all present and accounted for. Tonight - more than ever, Prince treats the crowd like an extra band member, letting them carry the weight and sing his own words back to him. You get the feeling that this is the performance that will stick with him for the longest. The closing night of a great run.
As ever, Prince's rapport with the crowd was on some sort of telepathic level. "This is confusing, London," he said at one point. "The quicker I get through theses hits, the quicker I'll be gone." Teasing again. He knew as well as we did that he could probably do this for three nights a week for a good while yet.

Tonight however, was all about the double keyboard set. Sign O The Times knocked as hard as ever. We got Little Red Corvette, The Beautiful Ones, Diamonds and Pearls, Alphabet Street Delirious and When Doves Cry pretty much in full, too. No point in teasing them tonight - Mr. Nelson was there to get his thang off. He started Purple Rain at the keyboard before being presented with his symbol shaped guitar and delivering a solo that shredded the venue to pieces before rebuilt it in his own image.

The man thinks nothing of playing hide and seek with his audience. We waited for half an hour after he appeared to have left the stage for the final time, only for him to be wheeled back into the arena in a flight case, with both of the Twinz sitting on top of it. After that, he came back one more time with the number '21' spray painted on the back of his jacket, and wilfully almost caused a riot by flinging his white derby hat into the crowd. Once again seated at the keyboard he flirted with Darling Nikki, the song that changed the course of popular music with it's 'adventurous' lyrics, for a few bars before deciding "I can't play that..."

What struck me the most about the whole thing was the fact that - he doesn't play that song anymore since he handed in his gun-shaped microphone and turned in his 'Freak' badge, but he had it loaded on the keyboard anyway. The question I had to ask is - exactly what does he have stored on there, in that case? I'm pretty sure, he could have played an entire set by himself looping up the drums, and driving the crowd a little wilder with each song, but that's been the beauty of the residency. He wanted to share the virtuosity of some of the planet's finest musicians with the crowd.

The Telegraph enlisted Matt Thorne, a novelist writing a book about Prince, to review the last night. Mr. Thorne estimates that 504 songs were played over the course of the tour, to half a million people. If that doesn't touch a nation's collective psyche, nothing will.

I'm sorry I can't be anymore precise than that. The night became a rum soaked blur after a while and doing The Wop non-stop for two and a half hours makes it a little hard to take notes.
Musical redemption finally came for Amy Winehouse, who managed to put the woes of the past month and a half behind her to open the Aftershow party with Love Is A Losing Game. 3121.com reports the embattled chanteuse drove the crowd quite nuts and moved Prince to tears in the process. Beverley Knight, who must be one of Mr. Nelson's all time favourite artists also came back for one more jam,

I honestly feel for every act who will play there in years to come as the residency will undoubtedly be the barometer by which they are measured. Just looking through internet forums, I get the feeling that despite the £7 hot dogs, the playing of 'half songs' expensive beer and according to some people, poor sound quality, absolutely no-one could fault him Prince as a showman or a musician. He is the last of a rare breed and no matter how much he infuriates his fans, they know as well as he does that they'll always love him.

We, the people, have been starved of footage and photos since August 1st. Ladies and Gentlemen, it is my pleasure to present to you - courtesy of 3121.com....

Joy In Repetition (Live):

http://www.3121.com/joy/

I Feel 4 U & Controversy (Live)

http://news.sky.com/skynews/article/0,,30100-1285079,00.html

I also met England football manager Steve McLaren, tonight. He's a miserable bastard. Perhaps he could smell my indifference to his sleep inducing style of coaching. I was having too good a night to start up a chant of 'Jose's gonna get your job (If the FA have any sense)', so he got off light. Any other time or place; it would have been on.

My life is my own again. I can go out and get blind drunk without journalistic responsibilty hanging over me like The Sword of Damocles. So what will become of this blog now? Will it be retired - like an hall of famer's basketball vest - taking it's place proudly alongside the other greats in the rafters? Or will my digital message in a bottle end up drifting into the shipping lane disappearing without a trace? All that wit, insight, sensitivity and raw charisma lost, forever. To everyone who told a friend to tell a friend; I hope the higher power that you look up to treats you kindly for the rest of your days.

So who won our epic bout? You know what? I don't think I'm going to tell you. In fact, why don't you tell me. I have my own idea, but I've been refereeing. I've been to close to the action for the past 52 days and nights. I never promised an answer to all the world's ills - kids shooting kids, racism, disappearing children, Blair - none of that. But I hope you might have worried about them less while reading this blog.

As of this morning, Gordon has a country to run and Prince is off to study The Bible.

What am I gonna do now that the run is finished?

I'm going to Disneyland.

Thanks to Dame Lucy Ellison, Baronness Stephanie Jones, Corrinne Bailey Rae & her sister, Jimmy @ Reverend Media, Brad @ FMTV and family, Ms. Natalie Duck, Diet Blair, DJ Merkin, Mickey @ The O2, Common & Band, Chuck Gabrielson, The O2 staff, the support acts I didn't get to see, Thatcher The Everliving, Full Fat Blair, George, Mrs. Annobil, Gordon Brown, Prince and the NPG,everyone who read the blog, everyone who left a comment on the blog, all the unborn babies who were conceived after one of the 21 shows, every single daily newspaper circulated in this country and last but not least the concert going public and Electorate for giving me something to write about everyday.

Take care of each other, ya hear?

Bless,
Kobi

*Descends through the stage in a cloud of dry ice*

Quotes: "Next year we will have a stronger Labour party. But even more important, we will have a stronger, more united country too." - Prime Minister

"If Eye imagined perfection, If Eye imagined Paradise...It would be being here with U, London, for 21 nights" - Prince

P.S. There's a rumour (and I stress the word "rumour") that we might not be done here yet...

Prime Minister(s) Vs. Prince

The White Rick James?: He's Phil Spec', bitch!

Thurdsday September 20th: Both contenders must be sensing that the end is near, today as they've been out and about in the capital, making sure their faces are seen and their voices are heard.

According to the Guardian, Gordon was one of three Prime Ministers to meet Rudy Guliani - Former mayor of New York and one of the Republican candidates who may end up running in the race for the White House next year. Yesterday, while on the international campaign trail he also met with Blair and Thatcher (*Boo, Hiss*) who had left the comfort of their respective bunkers and crypts to meet the man from Brooklyn, deep in the heart of Knightsbridge. Now correct me if I'm wrong, but does the campaign trail not end at the most eastern point of the East Coast and the most westerly point of the West? Has Blair's incessant toadying led to a silent agreement that Great Britain is the newest state in the Union? Unless this is an attempt by the Republicans to repair links with the Crown and restore colonial rule than there is more to this than meets the eye.

Perhaps it's because the London has played Igor to so many of Mad Professor Washington (D.C.)'s hairbrained schemes over the past few years that they feel we should get a choice of leader. Never mind that we can't vote for them. It's like the 'Here's What You Could Win' bit on a game show.

With flying visits expected from Hilary Clinton and Barack Obama in the next few weeks, it seems that they'll come over here because they don't want to feel that they're missing out on something. If they don't know what it is by the time they get on the plane, they can make it up over a pint of bitter and a plate of fish and chips in a good old country pub

NB: Any cheques, breifcases and/or swag bags full of legal tender that they receive from British backers will be paid to them in Gordon's mighty Pound Sterling. It's like a buy one get one free sale when they go to the Post Office to get them changed into Dead Presidents.

Elsewhere, the near collapse of Northern Rock still dominates the news. Mervyn King, the governor of the Bank Of England has remained defiant in the face of rumours and in the process earned himself as many column inches as both Prince and Gordon today. For now, both Gordon and the Chancellor Alastair Darling have stated their confidence in his ability to continue in the role. But if he so much as looks at either of them funny, he's gone. Right now, they're probably just looking for reasons. If all else fails Gordon will have the Secret Services plant child porn on Melvyn's computer. Job done.

I admit that I am intrigued about Cherie's memoirs of her time at Downing Street. If she spills the beans one everyone and everything, than it will make Blair look like a pussy for not saying anything himself. Is Tony hiding behind his wife? Is he taking orders and being told to shut up and grin for the camera? Ladies and gentlemen, you know as well as I do, that this would not be the first time.

The Guardian reports that relations between the ex and current Prime Ministers have thawed to the point where Gordon now feels comfortable referring to Blair as "Tony" in private conversations. As opposed to "That big-eared, grinning twat".

Following on from the OJ Simpson mentions from the past couple of days, I would like to talk about Phil Spector. He's one scary looking sonuvabitch. For some reason when I see him rocking those wigs, I am reminded of Norman Bates dressing up as his mum in Psycho. I can imagine him deciding to go for the strawberry blonde bob-cut and the Ginsu. Well, he's found the knife, but wears the wig?? Bloody Spector...

I hope it's a wig anyway. He fucked up if, as rich as he is, he actually pays someone to make his hair look like that. In an odd (but completely non-psychopathic) way, I admire the level of eccentricity Spector has displayed up until now. He's like a more extreme, White version of Rick James. Does he plan to get off a murder rap because he produced The Beatles? He must have something hidden up his sleeve, because it doesn't look like the judge is going to buy that whole 'she-was-showing-off-and-shot-herself-through-the-mouth-to-impress-me' schtick. (Yeah, that old chestnut). Nope - the motion for a mistrial was shot down, (no pun intended), where it stood. In the near future Spector will either go free or go down.

Prince dominates the front page of The Times, dressed all in black and blowing kisses to the audience as he swaggers down the catwalk at Matthew Williamson's show in Eaton Square yesterday.

He's also back at work tonight for the penultimate time in the tour.

I, personally, am as excited as a child on Christmas Eve about the prospect of tomorrow. Not only because of the show, but because I will finally be free of the millstone of current affairs and I can go back to spending my evenings watching episodes of Entourage and Curb Your Enthusiasm until I nod off and wake up four hours later, still in my work clothes. That, my friends, is the life...

P.S. - While I am not a Chelsea fan, (Condolences, Bainer), I've gotta say that Roman Abramovich screwed up by letting Mourinho leave. He's been, hands down, the most interesting character in British football since Eric Cantona. No-one else will ever pull off that 'stayed-in-a-strip-club-all-night-and-caught-a-cab-from-there-to-the-stadium' look, like The Special One. All I will say is; God help Roman if the team Jose ends up managing plays against The Blues...

The Ballad Of The Outlaw Orenthal James

The City Is Mine: Prince hits London Fashion Week.

Wednesday September 19th: Just a quick one today as I am trying to maintain strength for what promises to be a big Friday. I've booked the afternoon of work and everything...

Is it possible that all the secrets and intrigue of Blair's term in office could soon be public knowledge? Today's Evening Standard's leads with the story that Cherie has sent word from her bomb-proof house of her £1 million book deal which will more than likely dish the dirt on Gordon's temper tantrums. I'd watch that if I was you. The Prime Minister has been in a bullish mood recently and he'd think nothing of having you and his ex-boss 'touched' and buried under his Big Tent.

Good news for Gordon comes in the shape of a new opinion poll, which suggests that his approval rating is up, despite a horrendous week in which a whole lot looked set to come crashing down around his ears. The poll also found Diet Blair to be the most unpopular of the main three party leaders. Well there was always a good chance that would be the case, wasn't there? This poll was in The Guardian, so take that as you will.

In other news, OJ is out on bail. Is it coincidence that MTV Base played ("What ya gonna do when you get out of jail? I'm gonna have some fun with the") Bop Gun by Ice Cube while I was ironing earlier? I think not. I watched the BBC's footage of him leaving Las Vegas, followed by press helicopter. It reminded me of watching Michael Jackson's motorcade weaving down the freeway after his acquittal a couple of years ago. If I was 'The Juice', I would be off to Mexico on a private jet, tonight.

Mr. Nelson has popped up randomly again today. Looks like they finally pulled the plug on the oxygen bar. This time it was at Matthew Williamson's show at London Fashion Week. A quick search on google shows he's got the Internet goin' nuts. Elle.com, Vogue, Metro, The Reuters website are reporting that he played a few numbers - U Got The Look, Kiss and Chelsea Rogers accompanied, as usual, by The Twinz. The audience apparently left their cool at the door and gave the man quite a welcome. According to Williamson, he asked if he could take part in the show. The decision was an easy one. "You don't say 'No' to Prince." He said.

Black Steel In The Hour Of Chaos

This time they'll squeeze The Juice until the pips come out...

Tuesday September 18th: Gordon has now personally stepped in to quell the fears of building society account holders, assuring them that their money is safe. The 'Rock is no longer in a hard place.

Media outlets are reporting his first comments on the matter since it first happened late last week. "We are an economy that will continue to grow, continue to create jobs, continue to have low inflation. Everything that has been put in place in the last two days is designed to ensure that. And I will kill anyone who stands in my way" He said. He didn't say the last bit out loud, though.

The front page of today's Times features a picture of Chancellor Alastair Darling, red-faced, head bowed. You just know what's going through his head. Punishment.

"That's the last time you fail me, cur!"

*Whack*

"Please Master, no..."

I feel for him, in a funny kind of way. Following Gordon 'The Number Man' Brown as Chancellor must be a little like sitting in a crowd at The Staples Center, enjoying a beer and nachos, when you're told Kobe's putting his feet up for the rest of the night and thinks that you should take his place...

One of the editors at the Telegraph took her son to Sunday's show and had him review it.

Wow.

I thought my mother was pushy.

It was the kid's first gig and he seemed to know what he was talking about, even though a couple of sentences seem to be written by someone considerably older.

Probably someone with journalistic experience.

It reminds me of my old school projects. Especially the one about scientific discoveries. If my piece on Marie Curie could talk it would have spoken with the voice of a man in his 40's who didn't sound all that different from my dad. I feel bad for the boy, in a way, because seeing Prince before you've seen anyone else live is guaranteed to ruin the concert-going experience for you. Surely everything else will pale into comparison. I've been going to gigs since I was 15 and I'm contemplating giving up after this (or maybe after Pete Rock at The Jazz Cafe), because I have a feeling I'll end up standing at the back of the venue, arms folded, thinking "I know this is Mobb Deep - but they still haven't played Purple Rain..."

One name.

2 letters.

O.J.

They wanted him bad. They waited over a decade and it appears that the American Justice Sytem will finally get its hooks into him. Reports say that he robbed a sports memorobilia salesman in a Las Vegas hotel room, at gunpoint. I sincerely hope he didn't do it. Not only is he a 60 year old man, who should be enjoying his retirement with dignity but.....HE WAS FUCKING LUCKY TO GET AWAY WITH IT LAST TIME. Johnnie's not around no more, fam (God rest the dead). Unless your current lawyer sees him like Luke used to see Ben Kenobi, they're gonna put you under the jail this time.

Damn, can't a brother live...

Where's Your Money?

Northern Rock need to hold a seance and holla at the late, great Mr. Jones - he's got ya money.

Monday September 17th: As I write to you tonight, my friends, I am wondering why media outlets have been so slow to pick up on the obvious. According to the BBC website, Vince Cable - the Treasury spokesman for the LibDems has today said that Gordon Brown's actions in the past week have been "a threat to democracy."



The creation of Gordon's 'Big Tent', an all encompassing, all comprehending, all knowing clique of Britain's finest political minds, has this afternoon been denounced as nothing more than an attempt to engineer "a permanent dominance" for the Labour Party. A bit like The Borg. The Liberal Democrats won't be joining the party then.





That's too bad - Gordon had such high hopes for his one nation under a groove.



Have I or have I not been saying for over a month now that Gordon is looking to established a never ending dynasty, as unyielding as the granite cliffs of John O' Groats? He'll also jettison the name 'United Kingdom' for something more catchy and reflective of the glory of his reign. Gordonia, perhaps?



Shame on you all for putting my premonition down to extreme paranoia and good ol' weirdness.





Soon there will be no more Labour Red, Tory Blue, LibDem Yellow or, erm, Green Green. There will be only one colour from now on.



Brown.



And on top of that all, The Daily Record reports that Gordon has requested a painting of Thatcher for Downing Street. The sick fuck.





Also in todays news - The banks are shafted. Following on from the nosedive Northern Rock took last week, Alliance and Leicester have today declared themselves 'screwed' after share prices dropped by a third. They have said that they didn't think the decline was serious enough to appeal to The Bank Of England to help, which seems a bit like saying that you'd watch your house burn down in the middle of the night, because you didn't want to bother the nice men at the Fire Brigade. I guess Gordon was really making the whole money thing work, because less than 3 months after leaving the job, the economy already appears to have started crumbling



As for Prince today, well - several websites chose to run with the Elton John collaboration story and his Youtube strop. Sooooo last week...

Last night, however, was another show. Money Don't Matter 2nite popped up - the first time it's been played on this tour - and in honour of the O2's future guests he also banged out Led Zeppelin's A Whole Lotta Love.

Mr. Nelson seems to be having real fun and cutting loose at the aftershow jams if the good folks of 3121.com are to be believed. A whole bunch of cover versions and alternate versions of his own joints (3121 remixed with DMSR's lyrics, anyone?) Is there like a switch that he flicks that takes him from 'Stadium' to 'Club' mode?

I think this city will miss him come Saturday morning...

PUUUUUUUULLLLLL UUUUUUUUUP!!!!!

~(Photo by Reverend Media)

In celebration of the summer's late arrival, here's a mixtape by my good friend DJ Merkin from his Smoke On The Hills Series:

Smoke On The Hills: Volume 4

http://www.divshare.com/download/1984810-a81

1. Bob Marley – Natural Mystic 2. Sizzla – Really & Truly (Natural Mystic) 3. Sizzla – Somewhere out There (Rewind) 4. Delly Ranks – Kette Drum (Rewind) 5. Lutan Fyan – Why do we have to fuss and fight (Rewind) 6. Jah Cure & Jah Mason – Out of Control (Rewind) 7. Fantan Mojah – Unity (Atariq) 8. Capleton – Longest Time (Atariq) 9. Capleton – Rise 10. Cherine – Kingston State of Mind (Darker Shade) 11. Mr Vegas - Lean With It (Darker Shade) 12. Chuck Fender – So Many Girls (Darker Shade) 13. Beenie Man – Pardon (Darker Shade) 14. Elephant Man – Put dung di Gun (Statement) 15. Morgan Heritage – Brooklyn & Jamaica (Statement) 16. YT – No Sandweed 17. Collie Buddz & Buju Banton – Sensi Come Around 18. Buju Banton – Driver (Taxi) 19. Mitch – Transporter (Taxi) 20. Tony Rebel – 15 Years (Taxi) 21. Capleton – Be like Dis (Taxi) 22. Lutan Fyah – Hungry Mouth (Tears) 23. Vybz Kartel – No Violation (Tears) 24. Maxi Priest – Always with You (Tears) 25. Maxi Priest – Never met a woman like you (Continuation) 26. Beres Hammond – Give it all you have got (Continuation) 27. Beres Hammond – Sweetness 28. Beres Hammond – Doctor's Orders 29. Beres Hammond – Live On 30. Beres Hammond – 360 Turn 31. Sanchez – Frenzy 32. Jacob Miller – Tenement Yard 33. The Congos – Fisherman (Fisherman) 34. Early One – Jig Jig Jig (Fisherman) 35. Lutan Fyah – Whitewash Walls (Fisherman) 36. Jadakiss – Why (Merkin's Fisherman Special) 37. Pinchers – Slaughterer (M16) 38. Buju Banton – Bobby Red (M16) 39. Tony Rebel – Email (M16) 40. Buju Banton – Love Needs (Jamdown) 41. Capleton – No Guns (Jamdown) 42. Lutan Fyah – Mightier than Them (Jamdown) 43. Jah Cure – Sticky (Jamdown) 44. Junior Kelly – Take those Blows (River Bed) 45. Lutan Fyah – Silent Weapon (River Bed) 46. Chuck Fenda – Upside Down (Chaos) 47. Elephant Man – Good Good Kingston (Chaos) 48. Capleton – Jah Love (Chaos) 49. Busy Signal – Rat Race (Chaos) 50. Queen Ifrica – When will it Cease (Green Heart) 51. Lutan Fyah – Vacancy (Green Heart) 52. Lutan Fyah – Crab Fight

For every download, Merkin has promised to personally save a kitten from a tree wherever there may be a kitten stuck in a tree.

Free at last?

Nuff said.

Sunday September 19th: Amidst the meltdown of a bank and the uproar over Tetleygate, Gordon has taken a leaf out of Diet Blair's book today and turned his focus away from home. He is all over the news, demanding the deployment of a task force, made up of African and UN troops to bring peace to Darfur. I'll wager Sudan wasn't on his mind when he was munching Digestives with She-Who's-Name-Shall-Not-Be-Mentioned. When the going gets tough, the tough go to Africa. By this thinking, if Gordon ever got caught having an affair, poverty and disease on the continent would probably be wiped out within days.

So, we edge ever nearer to Party Conference season. Each leader is setting their stall out ahead of time, so the relevant people know when to applaud/cheer/laugh. Gordon, in light of managing to return some semblance of dignity to the office of Prime Minister, will be running on the Scarface ticket this year (Who put this thing together? ME - That's who!). Short of bringing out Thatcher and getting her to body-pop, is there anything Dave can do to divert attention back to the Conservatives? I'm not sure. They might well end up sitting in the conference hall in total silence, with only the occasional embarassed cough to break the tension. As for the Liberal Democrats, Sir Menzies has also made a statement, prior to the seaside trip, saying that he intends to remain Party Leader. Reports that he said this in a huff after finding aides checking his pulse while he had an afternoon nap are totally scurrilous and completely unfounded.

Bar the Youtube story, Prince is out of the news for the moment. I'm sure this will change in the next five days, as reporters and photographers across London realise that they haven't managed to get a really juicy story out of one of pop music's last great enigmas in the past month, and begin stalking him around the clock.

Don't think I'd forgotten...The Jena 6.

The whole debacle began at a High School in Louisiana on September 6th 2006, as an argument over black students being able to sit under a tree which was 'reserved' for white students. When the principal said that any student was free to sit under the tree, it was less than 24 hours before 3 nooses appeared in its branches. When the school's principal recommended the culprits for expulsion, he was overruled by the board of education who said that the punishment should be reduced to three days in-school suspension and the incident was dismissed as an "adolescent prank". Even the District Attorney, one Reed Walters got in on the foolishness, declaring to an assemble of Jena High School students that he could end their life with a stroke of his pen (reports state that the claim was made to black students in particular).

Leading up to the 'Jena Six assault', a catalogue of violent events involving students, should have hinted that something was going to happen. It all came to a head, when a white student threatened a group of black students with a shotgun and had it taken from him. While white students who had been found guilty of violent acts were charged with simple battery. The black students who wrested control of the shotgun from a would-be aggresor, found themselves being charged with theft of a firearm, second-degree robbery and disturbing the peace. The white student who owned the shotgun was released. Had the charges been allowed to stick some of the students would have found themselves imprisoned until they were about 50 years old. At one point in proceedings it was made clear to the jury that in order for the charges to stick, they would have to classify tennis shoes as a deadly weapon. Hmmmmm.

By the time Mychal Bell's felony conviction was thrown out yesterday, America had ended up dredging up some of the uglier legacies that America's citizens inherited from their forefathers. There is still a march planned in the style of Dr. King's civil rights protests scheduled for September 20th. If the American justice system wasn't already ashamed of it's treatment of ethnic minorities, than the fact that there needs to be such action in the 21st Century should do the trick.

Why did this happen now, though? Is it the zeitgeist of the screwed up times we're living in? Could this be a reflection of George's good old Southern roots? Could the fact that the convictions were thrown out mean the end is nigh for all for the international robber baron and his ilk? Well, George's term is up next year - and common sense would dictate that almost a decade spent wandering in the wilderness would be more than enough for America. But we all said that after four years....

Perhaps they're ready for a whole new outlook. Is there more to this superpower than 'the buy low, sell high' mantra and releasing the hounds on anyone who doesn't agree with them? If the Democrats are returned to the White House next year, one thing will be for sure; Gangstas just don't get it as good as they used to. After last week, 50 Cent will tell you that....

White, two sugars.

More tea, Thatcher?

Saturday September 15th: A cursory glance over the Google news page when you type in the word 'Gordon Brown' tells a different story today than it did a month ago.

Where there were statements before, now there are questions. No more kissing babies and posing for the benefit of those using flash photography. The Times reports that he's facing the very real possibility of defeat at his first Labour Party Conference, before he's even set foot on the stage, over plans to curb the power that unions wield.

He no doubt remains full of 'conviction' over his decision. Ah, Gordon. If this continues you will be master and commander of many a sinking ship, in the future.

Today's Observer reports on the fall out from what I, in the office have dubbed Tetleygate - Thatcher's visit to Downing Street.

It appears to have caused quite a 'brew'-haha.

Give me a break, it's late.

Anyway - Malcolm Rifkind is not a happy man. One of the nicer quotes goes something like this:

'My former boss has been described by one of my colleagues as "frail and lonely" and, therefore susceptible to Brown's Machiavellian schemes. Well, maybe she is. But she also still has her political marbles and enjoys using them.'

What he really means is:

'SHIT! We wish she was still on our side!!!'

I'm sure Thatcher lies awake at night thinking of how she would be running the country. Never mind the fact that the democratic process was used to get her out of office and she lost the support of her party. Only She knows what is good for us. Gawd bless, ma'am! Good to see you back where you belong! Tuck in that shirt, Great Britain! The cod liver oil and gruel days are back!

Prince is making a stand for the artists of the world today as he looks to "reclaim his art on the internet". He is looking to get unauthorised clips of his work removed from youtube. After all, there's no quality control. I've seen some crimes against nature put up against his name on there...Mr. Nelson's next collaboration will be with Web Sherriff, a British based firm that seeks out instances of copyright infringement on the internet.

If the Web Sherriff comes round here - you ain't seen me. Right?

Tomorrow, we shall get into the saga behind the Jena 6 story. It's not often judicial institutions admit they're wrong. America, it appears, came perilously close to a return to the 1950's when The Civil Rights Movement had to (non-violently) fight tooth and nail for Black Americans to have the right to not be regarded as second class citizens. A 'fair and impartial' jury may have been hours away from setting any sort of race relations back by half a decade. Have a think about it...

And just like that...he's gone.

Don't Panic! Don't Panic!

My other car is a Morris Minor...

Friday September 14th: You're really pushing me, this week. As if picking fights with the public sector and inviting Thatcher round wasn't bad enough - the road past The Houses of Parliament is still closed. meaning I had to drive an extra 10 minutes out of my way to Oxford Street. I hear it's for some sort of security upgrade. I think Gordon's starting to get a bit paranoid. Is this a reflection of the bruising his ego has taken this week? They're not out to get you, mate. not yet, at least. Any hate that you may be getting at this exact moment in time, is just standard 'Prime Minister Hate'. Everyone thinks they can run the country better than the person who's doing it right now. I seem to recall you thinking the same thing...

So you had a bit of a tiff with the unions? You'll do a deal with them a few months down the line - everything will be forgotten. You'll go out with them for a drink after the next conference and you'll laugh about it. There is absolutely no need to barricade yourself in there.

Has anyone ever got into the Chamber at Question Time, apart from Fathers For Justice? Not in recent memory. All they did was throw condoms filled with purple powder about. They don't want to end civilisation as we know it - they just want to see their kids. And perhaps, dress up as a superhero. If you think about the amount of organised headcases we're lead to believe that there are in existence around the UK, regardless of what ethnic background they're from - you'd think someone would have tried to blow themselves up in the middle of a Parliamentary debate. If they're really looking to make a statement, then you could do worse than striking at the heart of the legislative process. I mean Fawkes tried it and got hung, drawn and quartered for his troubles, but he got his own Night.

Not bad.

Don't let them fool you - there's probably Beefeaters with Uzi's patrolling the corridors of the House of Lords. With as much Old, Rich, White Man money as there is in that place? I heard the guy who owns the copyright for water works up there. You know - Baron Wossisface. No-one's going up there without an invite, and you'd better have your hands in the air when you get to the door.

Back to the point though, Gordon - there's no use hiding - you'll have to come out and face the music eventually. So - you don't have the wave of optimism to surf anymore or 'New Prime Minister Smell', anymore. That's the breaks. But you do have got a job to do. Do it.

On top of all that, The Evening Standard are leading with 'Banking Crash Leads To Panic' - as Northern Rock customers queued to withdraw their savings, amid fears the bank could go tits up (that's a proper financial term). Gordon - I thought you were The Numbers Guy. Could you not have foreseen this. Don't tell me you had a 'Friday' moment when you had to balance a couple of books and left out a remainder so you could get your first pint in. Surely you didn't do a cowboy job, leaving the economy as hollow as a termite infested tree. Shame.

Chancellor, Alastair Darling tried to start up a mass chorus of Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life in The City at lunchtime, but all the bankers who had already spent this year's bonus on 7 new Porsches (One for every day of the week, baby!) couldn't hear him, perched on ledges 6 storeys up and ready to end it all.

In Woking related news today - McLaren Mercedes have been kicked out of the Formula 1 Constructors' Championship after being found guilty of benefitting from plans they obtained from Ferrari headquarters.

Now, I wore a Ferrari polo shirt to work today. Not out of spite, but because it matched my trainers. I must have counted about 5, maybe 6, people who said 'Oooh - you don't want to wear that round here.' - the reason being my office is across the road from a McLaren garage (Some of the cars that go through that place...They were babysitting a Ferari Enzo back in February.) I was tempted to ask what McLaren employees would do if faced with the badge of their hated rival on an item of sportswear, today of all days. There's maybe 6 guys who work there. Boffin types with white coats. I could probably handle them. Make an example of the nearest one. The rest will back off after that.

Besides, the way I feel is that McLaren needed to have more confidence in the way Lewis and Alonso drive. They've held it down so far. If Lewis can keep Alonso at bay, then he walks out of this season the first man to become champion in his rookie year. You've gotta love that. McLaren picked them to be their drivers, but they don't trust them to win the championship without dirty tricks? Weak.

So. Yeah. In short, I'll wear my damn shirt, wherever I please...

While Gordon is s Prince is stepping up the pressure again. Elton John joined him on stage last night for a cover of The Long And Winding Road. That's a big time guest, for you. Mr. Nelson is trying to bury everyone who comes to play at this venue before they've even had a chance to tune their instruments.

3121 reports that a sliver of Soft And Wet was hidden in Sign O' The Times last night and Prince banged out an instrumental version of Under The Cherry Moon.

The Daily Telegraph's review - by Bryony Gordon has a touch of the obsessive about it. But in quite a cute, kooky way. It's enthusiastic to say the least. Her closing sentence is:

"I love him. I would very much like to marry him. And I only wish that I'd gone to see him sooner."

A far cry from the complaints about muddy sound quality that fan forums have been teeming with recently, but I guess everyone has a different perspective of the show...

Once again, I was pulling double duty tonight - I met up with Jimmy from Reverend Media at Deal Real (London's finest purveyors of all manner of hip hop artefacts) to interview, rapper Kane 'Kano' Robinson, for Format Magazine. That one, complete with photos, should be hitting you in the head next month. His album, London Town, is good, by the way. It takes cojones to drop the same day as the 50/Kanye money-fight. You've gotta respect Mr. Robinson for that.

Not you again...

Thatcher comes round to tea. She brings Mr. Kipling's Lemon Slices

Thursday September 13th: Gordon, you're an idiot. Guess who came to tea today? That's right. The Guardian reports that after hearing her name mentioned from her crypt, Thatcher The Everliving transformed herself from her decaying form and flew down to Number 10 to meet with the Prime Minister. Politically it's a smart move, as Gordon is showing he can appeal to everyone, not just Labour voters. Just like General Zod in Superman 2. Was there no easier way to show cross party solidarity? Couldn't you have just smoked a zoot with Dave in Trafalgar Square?

Political analysts would tell you that this is a bold move designed to galvanise the electorate and show Thatcher's lack of support for Diet Blair reh, reh, reh, but they're paid to do that sort of thing.

Me, I'm just in it for The Rage.

And the concert tickets.

I'm not sugarcoating anything.

I don't like Thatcher. Never have, never will. She fucked them all over in the past. Miners, Falklanders, people who didn't want to pay exorbitant amounts of tax. Pretty much anyone who wasn't rich (when I say "rich" I mean 'Chilean dictator rich', not just 'nice house rich' ) got it from her at one point or another. And don't forget her arms dealing fuck of a husband. Or her coup-plotting fuck of a son.

Add to that the referendum vote, which is looking more and more like happening and the foot and mouth outbreak, and it seems like Gordon is bringing it on himself now.

That photo op combined with the fact that Prince hinted that he could yet incorporate Get Off (That's my TUNE!) into the set last night, put Gordon well and truly on the back foot.

More treats have been emerging during the main arena setlists. While aftershow punters are often treated to Sly And The Family Stone and Stevie Wonder joints, we mostly get songs penned by the man, himself with a few exceptions. Continuing with his penchant for covering songs by British bands We Will Rock You by Queen has opened at least one show so far. Shelby J has also been having her way with the classic Sade joint, Cherish The Day. Now, where is Sade? I heard she was living over here again, surely you would have thought Prince could have his people "bring" her. Anyone who has seen her perform in person or checked Lovers Live on DVD will testify to the fact that she is a beast in concert. That would have been one mean jam...

But I digress...

Prince has also slipped Mountains into his set and he's still teasing crowds with Pop Life and Sign O' The Times (He only made it to the end of the first verse on the 24th). I'm hoping this is paving the way for a monster set on the 21st, but the man is a musical maverick so for the sake of being contrary, he could very well end up sitting cross legged, in the middle of the stage, leading the crowd in a chorus of Kumba-Yaa for 2 and a half hours.

The O2 have already begun to think of ways to top this 21 date epic and they've come up with a pretty good one. Get Led Zeppelin to reunite for a single gig. I heard that tickets - at £125 a pop are being issued by raffle at a maximum of 2 per household. Bwooooooy. Dame Lucy is lucky I'm not a Led Zep head, otherwise I would have had her under pressure...

Oh and just to prove I'm not bitter - well done to the England team for beating the titans of Russia yesterday. The interview that Steven Gerrard gave to The Daily Star this week, literally made me scream at the paper as I read the words, "This is the best England Team Ever" once again. Some people never learn...

I'm tryin', not to lose my head...

Mister Brown and Gordon Hyde: He's changing......changing....

Wednesday September 12th: Today is the first time, it's all looked to be getting a bit much for Gordon. The referendums, the wage argument and the Return of Foot And Mouth aka The Night of The Dribbling Herd Part II. They're all demanding his time and attention. This is when Diet Blair's job gets easy. When he can simply sit back and point out all the things that Gordon is doing wrong. Oh, to be an Armchair Prime Minister.

How long have we before the sullen brute that Alastair Campbell, alluded to and then edited out of his memoirs, comes out to play? Will he enter the House Of Commons as Minister Jekyll and leave it as Emperor Hyde. All it will take is one too many glib remarks from Dave and Gordon will snap his neck like kindling, before seizing the Mace (Heseltine Style) and smacking Sir Menzies for six with it.

A second case of foot and mouth has been diagnosed, again, just down the road from where I am writing this, and again it's looking like 'fowl play' may be a-foot. We may yet go to 'Def-Cow 5'. The question you've got to ask is: How did it get there? That's a little way to travel across Surrey, but I doubt that the scourge of British livestock, is able to take advantage of the county's excellent public transport system (no pockets to keep change in, y'see).

I can't seem to shake this vision I'm having, of someone wearing an all-in-one radioactive protection suit, skipping down country lanes and sprinkling virus in all the hedgerows, like something out of an apocalyptic version of a Midsummer Night's Dream.

Tonight, I have also been pondering the case of Madeleine McCann, after talking with a friend about it. I came to the conclusion that I'd rather her parents weren't guilty of her murder - accidental, or otherwise - because if they did do it, I would have to admit that I am absolutely floored by the lengths to which people will go to keep up a pretence. Could you imagine meeting The Pope, with that on your conscience? If that was me, I'd have to confess right there. I'm not Catholic but I'd feel I had to. If it turns out they are guilty, this would be like The Simpsons episode with Little Timmy in the well.

My friend believes that the parents are in some way guilty, and points to the Portugese police's insistence that British sniffer dogs and crime labs be used, so that if there is any bombshell to be dropped, they are well and truly out of the blast radius when it lands. No matter how twisted you think either argument is, we reached agreement on the fact that we hoped they hadn't done it and that their daughter might be somewhere, unharmed. However, we live in an exceedingly cold world....

Prince is back on it tonight, with a show to follow on Sunday, then we're into the final week. It doesn't seem like a month ago when he first came up through the floor, strumming Purple Rain, more than likely high on oxygen and queasy from eating black M&M's. I'm almost curious as to where he's been hiding himself all this time. Once the mini-bar has been emptied and you've watched Pirates Of The Caribbean on the Pay-Per-View channels a few times, the mind must begin to wander. He's had every chance to do something truly rock-star-weird, but he hasn't risen to the bait. All part of getting older, I guess...



I've been pulling double duty tonight. Not only do you get your daily dosage of verve and panache, but I also finished off an interview with the good people at Bishbo - a London based design studio for Canada's finest online publication, Format Magazine (http://www.formatmag.com/ , for the interested). I'm their London correspondent, don't you know....





PS - I wasn't aware that there was such a cult following behind the guy in today's picture. People have drawn pictures and made models out of Fredrick March's interpretation of the 'beast within'. I was shown Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde starring March, for English A-Level. That shit was hilarious. I even stayed up late to record it after I left school when I saw it was on BBC2 one night.


Why? Because it's classic material.

The make-up was straight Planet Of The Apes before Planet Of The Apes. And the script included real talk such as "Why don't you sing? Why don't you dance? My little bird, my dove?" Killer. This film signified the dawn of method acting. Forget Bobby and Marlon. They bit Freddy. March must have sat in the ape enclosure at London Zoo everyday for months to get some of those moves down. Check out the busted dentures, as well. The only way you can get teeth like that is by eating doo-doo covered bricks for breakfast. Frederick March's Mr. Hyde face was on the box for Kellogs Shitty Pebbles.

There may be trouble ahead...

Like Gordon -no reverse gear.

Tuesday September 11th: Gordon may live to regret his pay pledges. The TUC, and by extension, the whole public sector won't take that one lying down. OK - the "conviction" thing was cool. The Thatcher comparison was a little worrying, but we'll let it slide. You might want to think about maybe budging a little on this one? No? Well - you saw what happened when your 'ex-boss' stopped listening. That's all I'm saying...

So, yesterday, I'm flicking through the Evening Standard when I see a story about Blair having his house bomb-proofed, at a cost of £80,000 to the tax payer. And that's on top of the two armed guards, standing watch outside his house. After reading the article, I thought long and hard, and I'm going to write to my MP and request the pennies that get shaved off my wages should go to something worthwhile. Maybe building an orphanage or curing a sick old lady on the NHS or something.

Let's get one thing clear: No-one wants to bomb Blair. He's no longer Prime Minister. Now he's just an average Joe - greying, with a dodgy ticker who gets annoyed like the rest of us when the milkman leaves him the wrong order three days in a row. If he does get bombed, he'll only have himself to blame. All it takes is someone, who has a slightly, bigger chip on their shoulder than me to read that same article and think "Bomb-proof, eh? But just how bomb-proof?" Hey presto, Blair is back on the front page.

To be honest, I didn't know he was back from Sir Cliff's crib and I've been reading the papers everyday. It's not like he inspires swooning rockstar hysteria when he's out and about. He couldn't get taken in to help police with their enquiries in this town anymore.

I've also just watched the interview with Diet Blair. Needless to say he didn't get my message. At one point, he claims that he tried to download all the questions onto his Blackberry. What-ever. It's OK -he already knew in his heart of hearts that I'm right. Basically, the only thing that he seemed really completely sure about, throughout the whole interview was that there wouldn't be car parking charges in supermarkets. The Waitrose Massive can breathe easy.

Charles Spencer handles reviewing duties for The Daily Telgraph for Show #16. While all the other reviewers have been rather free with the plaudits (even Jo Brand who came out of the show still not liking Prince admitted that the experience would stay with her for a while to come), Mr. Spencer raises that same questions that quite a few paying fans on internet forums have asked. Namely - where are the hits? Spencer wasn't satisfied with a couple of bars from 'When Doves Cry', dammit! He wants the whole song. Despite his displeasure - he couldn't help but be awed by everything else about the show: the drummer, The Twinz, Prince's guitar playing; the whole bloody lot.

Maceo Parker has also been booked to play at The Indigo2 in October. Both times I've seen him on this tour he's torn it up. It would be foolish to bet against him doing it again...

Hi-Ho, Hi-Ho - it's off to work we go...

W.W.J(eremy).D?: If you don't work, between 9:25 and 10:30AM, this man is your God.

Monday September 10th: The metamorphosis begins...Remember the good old days - when Gordon listened. He was a rock in the foot and mouth days. Unflappable on the morning of the terrorist threat.Resolute in the face of the floods. But alas, he is looking to prove his similarity to Thatcher straight off the bat. The Guardian website reports today that he told the Trades Union Congress that he would not make promises on pay rises that would jeopardise the economy.

"No loss of discipline, no resort to the easy options, no unaffordable promises, no taking risks with inflation. So let me be straightforward with you - pay discipline is essential to prevent inflation, to maintain growth and create more jobs - and so that we never return to the old boom and bust of the past."

The Gentleman, it seems, is not for turning.

Gordon has also pledged to provide 500,000 British people with jobs. The move, it is hoped, will bring Britain closer to full employment than ever before. But will it work? To be honest I'm not sure. Back in my student days, I know that there were occasions when I should have been trawling through the classifieds for employment, but decided that one more episode of Everybody Loves Raymond was infinitely preferrable. Therein lies a potential fly in Gordon's ointment. If they turn off all TV between 9AM and 5PM, there would be no more "I just want to see how Jeremy Kyle sorts this one out" or getting sucked into Location, Location, Location because you didn't fancy the black and white film on BBC2. Just productivity. A busy worker is a happy worker. The entire nation will move as one, like a finally tuned engine, hurtling along the rails into a metaphorical Waterloo; a Golden Age of prosperity for all. By God, Gordon will put the labour into Labour.

The Telgraph had Beverley Knight reviewing, last night's show for them. She's supported Prince twice during his run and has apparently owned the place both times. I went one better, and got Ronan 'Spartacus' George on it. "The Purple One reigned supreme." Ronan says. "A genius and a true heir to Little Richard, Chuck Berry and James Brown (to name a few). The first hour was like the greatest party you've ever been to. Then the man, armed with his piano, sang to us. Just because he can. A jewel of a night." Spartacus, you're a poet

And so, on we shuffle, with just under a fortnight left, the Big Clunking Fist and Mr. Goodnight are still going at it toe to toe. This one could go down to a points decision...

It's been 7 hours and 13 days...

Cash Rules Everyone Around Him: Jonah Eliasch

Sunday September 9th: While patience is a virtue, I must admit that I'm waiting like a kid on Christmas Eve for Dave's replies to The Daily Telegraph questions. On Tuesday tea-time, he will face what should be a partisan crowd, but a few hecklers have probably snuck in (Thank you, thank you...).

To be fair there were some people on there who were being very vocal about their displeasure. Everything from his policies, to his very manhood (pause) was questioned.

The Telegraph are also running a picture of Jonah Eliasch - the Tory donor who defected to Labour on their website, today. He doesn't look like a happy customer. The look of disapproval on his face was so amusing to me, that I flouted copyright law, just to share it with you. To add to the indignity of the whole matter, the Telegraph claim that Diet Blair made "a flurry of calls" to Mr. Eliasch upon finding out what he had planned. I can just imagine Dave on his knees in the middle of Parliament Square screaming "DON'T LEAVE! WE CAN CHAAAAAAANGE!"

The worst part, of course, is that he took all that dough over to Gordon's house. Rumours abound that he made a fort out of it under the dining room table.

So, if you happened to be at tonight's show at the O2 and you heard someone sobbing loudly during Nothing Compares 2 U, it's likely that you could have been sitting next to the Leader of The Opposition.

Gordon has today announced plans for immigrants to have their English speaking skills tested before they enter the country. If this was meant to be a deterrent of some sort it probably won't work. I've learnt French and German in the past - they were definitely more difficult than English, mainly because you have to attribute gender to everyday items such as a door or a car. In French you have a 50/50 chance of getting it right. The odds are slashed to 33.3% in German. In English we have 'the'. It's that simple. Just raw, uncut definitve article.

Most of the world speaks English, or at least understands it. That's what happens when you conquer large swathes of land and enforce your language and culture on the new 'subjects'. If you watched a few summer blockbusters you could pick up some key phrases to help you get by in everyday life ("I love you, Mary Jane", "Transform and roll out" etc).

It would be kinda cool to meet someone who had learnt to speak the language after watching, say, The Sweeney. The word 'slag' would pretty much be a term of endearment to them.

It would, however, be hypocritical to ask people hoping to move here to take a test on their knowledge of English history, simply because if you asked the (English)man on the street when the Battle Of Trafalgar was, for example, they wouldn't know. I'm not going to front - I don't know either. I could google it, but I'm not going to. Why? Because that shit bores me. Especially when I'm trying to play X-Box. Now, move from in front of the telly.

And in case you forgot, St.George was an immigrant too...Just a thought, would dragon slaying be come under Highly-Skilled or Skilled work?

As the first week of his slightly less hectic schedule draws to a close, so begins the end for Prince. He has showed restraint, uncommon in rock stars by not turning up wasted at every celebrity event in a 30 mile radius. Good for him.

Having got the green light from Stephanie, Dame Lucy's stand-in while she's off on holiday, (Wave at Dame Lucy's plane, everybody) - I will be back in the trenches for the final time on the 21st of this month. Stephanie, politely declined the offer of an MBE nomination saying simply:

"Happy to help if we can."

What a lady.

Tiptoe-ing in the crib, at like 6 in the morn...

I buy you flowers, and you automatically assume it's because I feel guilty about something...

Saturday September 8th: Oh, hey....What are you doing up? I told you I'd be back late....

....Where was I last night? I was out with the boys.....

.....I know, I know. I should have left a note...

We just had a few beers....

Nah - we didn't go to a club......

She said she saw us there?

With who?

And you believe her?

Nah - we're just friends.

I don't smell of Chanel, do I?......

What lipstick?

Erm....

Unfortunately, I was unable to deliver my trademarked brand of pithy and wry social commentary, as I was disconnected from free wireless yesterday. Miss me?

Anything good happen?

The front page of The Guardian reports that it's all hands to the pump at Conservative HQ, as the Tories hurriedly prepare a manifesto in case of an autumn election. This kind of fervour is normally the preserve of survivalist militia, battening down the hatches in the foothills of Montana, bracing themelves for the everlooming Day Of Reckoning. The Condservatives, it seems are taking heart in the 1% opinion poll deficit (What a fickle mistress you are, O Electorate of Albion!) and may no longer feel that Diet Blair is the millstone around Middle England's neck that he has, at times, appeared to have been.

Indeed, it appears the PR Weasel will be in full effect this week. He will be answering questions and reading comments put to him by readers of the Daily Telegraph:

"In the past, it might have been safe to assume that the occasion of a Conservative leader coming face to face with the readers of this newspaper would have been a bit of a love-in - hardly the stuff of a Paxman-style grilling." Dave writes.

"But something tells me I'm not going to get a particularly easy ride."

Guilt tripping, Dave? You're not playing fair...

Well, I've read the Telegraph for the past 40 days so I qualify as "a reader", right?

"Mr. Cameron, I would like to applaud your recent actions after you courageously challenged Gordon Brown to "a bare knuckle fight" over the state of the NHS. Bravo! You are however forgetting two things, which could prove vital in such a situation. Firstly, that you are giving up a few pounds and a couple of inches in reach to him. That gives him an automatic advantage. Try 'The Rope-A-Dope'. Secondly, you have forgotten that other cardinal rule: never challenge a Glaswegian to a brawl. Good luck, though! Just so you know - I've got a monkey on 'The Brown Bomber'.

All the best!"

Posted by Kobi Annobil on September 8 2007 at 12:04am

And now we play the waiting game...

Gordon, stepped up the psychological pressure on the Tories by announcing that Lord Sainsbury had donated £2million to The Labour Party, which has been laid out on his bedroom floor so he can lie in it when he gets home and make 'money angels'.

Ballin'.

And, also in the news...Jonas Eliasch, one of the Conservatives' backers defected yesterday, citing "the party's shift to the right and abandonment of its green agenda" as his reasons, and took all his money with him. No more foie gras, chaps. It's Tesco economy pate on crackers until after the election.

Prince is finishing strong - He played The Morning Papers during his piano set, which even the good folks at 3121.com don't remember hearing live before.

Towards the end of the show, he screamed:

“London, this is MY house! I don’t care who’s been in here before me, or who will come after me, this is MY house now!”

Which is probably exactly what the voice in Gordon's head tells him when he walks into The House Of Commons.

And finally, despite my total indifference to the English national football team - well done to Shaun Wright-Phillips and Micah Richardson. Nice to see young black men making the headlines for something positive....

Damn you, Oliver!

No clever caption today: Does anyone know what the hell this is about?

Thursday September 6th: Gordon's attempt to unify the biggest parties in British politics is coming back to haunt him already. The Tories, Liberal Democrats and of course The Labour Massive, have joined forces with the express purpose of railroading him into an EU referendum.

The bullet that Blair dodged.

If such a movement had been spawned in the final days of Blair's term - the parties would have foregone the democratic process and simply marched, mob-style, on Number 10 - torches and pitchforks in hand.

Add to this the introduction of a giant ballot box outside the House of Commons (representing the right of the British people to vote on the issue, apparently) and the 84,000 + signiatures that the Telegraph have collected, and it seems this one won't just quietly go away...

Gordon, according to The Times, has also joined the campaign to have additives taken out of food marketed to children. Kids today seem to have it really tough. If it's not the ADHD, it's the Ritalin. If it's not the Ritalin, it's obesity. In the 80's you were labelled hyperactive or fat and got on with it.

Run along Tubby/Shouty - Johnny Briggs is on.

Thanks to Jamie Oliver, there's a whole generation of kids that will never get to experience fish fingers washed down with blue Slush Puppy and Pop Rocks for dessert. *Clap*. *Clap*. *Clap*.

Prince punches in once again tonight. In the absence of any significant amount of news about Mr. Nelson, I trawled the net sampling a little modern culture this evening. What did I come up with?

Superman Dat Hoe.

Countless YouTube videos of BAPE wearing kids doing some dance, which is more than likely from Atlanta. I can't hate - it's just kids having a good time. Superman, away my friend. It's all good young'un - as long as you Superman Dat Maths Test.

Otherwise you'll end up Supersoaking Dat Floor At McDonalds.

And Cloverfield.

Cloverfield, Cloverfireld, Cloverfield.

I heard about the trailer around the time Transformers came out, but didn't get to see the it - Cheers, The Times Preview Screening... For those who haven't seen it - there's a bunch of kids having a going away party for their mate, which is interrupted by a news report. Then an explosion. Then something punts the Statue of Liberty's head into the middle of New York. I would love it to be a 400 foot tall George Bush, but that is unlikely.

Rumour has it the guy who's running the show, JJ Abrams of Lost fame, has set up a game involving websites which give clues as to what the film is about. It's guaranteed to have millions of people chasing their tails, in search of some sort of deeper meaning. A bit like Lost. I won't lie - the slusho site confused the hell out of me. The movie could be alright though...

I Can't Live Without My Radio...

Big Blog Style: We are most definitely built for this.

Wednesday September 5th: I must be brief tonight, as I'm in the middle of listening to a recording of Funkmaster Flex's 90's Labor Day set right now and any radio show which features Pronto by Cru deserves my undivided attaention.

Without further ado....

As predicted on this very blog yesterday, the whole 'I admire Thatcher' thing is biting Gordon in the ass. The Daily Mirror seems none to pleased. "Praising the most despised Conservative leader in post-war history to earn a few plaudits from fair weather friend is the political equivalent of a pact with a Devil" Kevin Maguire rages. Gordon moved a bit fast on that. I was surprised. Saying stuff without thinking is more Dave's department....

There's also a rather surreal cartoon in The Times of Diet Blair, sweating profusely, singing You Are Always On My Mind to a photo of Thatcher while decked out in an Elvis jumpsuit.

I don't get it.

They're also talking about something they call Gordon's Big Tent. Not to be confused with Alan's Big Plate.

Prince, I'm guessing is still not in the country as he's not due to play until tomorrow. He wouldn't shoot some of his new video in London, would he?

P.S. Free the Jena 6

On The Road

It's no Little Red Corvette, but it will do: Prince and the NPG are day tripping...

Tuesday September 4th: It looks like Gordon has started a trend. George made a 'surprise' visit to Iraq yesterday to say that it's possible, that maybe, some day soon perhaps, it's potenntially conceivable, as the longest of long shots that US troops might be withdrawn. The boot's on the other foot now, isn't it? I guess Gordon got out the abacus at their last meeting and explained exactly how much much money - that lovely, crispy green money - was going to waste.

In a press conference this afternoon Gordon denied the charge that the UK and US weren't seeing eye-to-eye on Iraq. "We are on exactly the same path that I have set out," he says. The path that I have set out? There's been a definite changing of the guard there. The lapdog days are over. Gordon is not for jumping through hoops! No, siree Bob. In the immortal words of Staten Island's very own Bard, Ghostface Killah: "Sit down Mr. Bush, I'm in charge of the war..."

That bastion of well heeled Conservatism, The Times, exercised a little spin on their front page today. According to a poll, Labour only have a 1% lead over the Tories. The poll in question was The Times poll. Now that's messed up. They're basically saying that 36% of their readers, who are most likely Tory voters, believe that the opposition leader makes a better Prime Minister than their own boy. Like rats on a sinking ship...

The Herald Tribune reports that The Prime Minister is still not ruling out the possibility of an election early next year. Gordon has already shot down the notion of a televised debate, much to Diet Blair's chagrin. Apparently, "[he] urged Brown to reconsider, saying a TV debate would win the interest of a British public often apathetic to politics." Smart move. He's obviously hoping to repeat his performance at the first Question Time of Gordon's term, where he pretty much ran circles around him. Diet Blair has that broadcast-ready sheen about him. It's what I like to call his inner 'PR Weasel'. He's good, but he's still got some tricks to learn to get to Blair's level. Blair was a PR Weasel of the highest order. At any given time Dave is ready to fire his boyish grin directly at the camera and say the first thing that comes into his head - be it on immigration, the NHS, tax, the meltdown of society. Whatever. That's where that "bare knuckle fight" nonsense came from.

Oh dear. Oh dear, oh dear. Oh dear, oh dear oh dear. Gordon may have undone a great deal of hard work in the space of one interview. The Telegraph's website is running an article with the headline "Gordon Brown 'admires' Margaret Thatcher". The reason for his admiration is that the Baronness was a "conviction politician". Shit. You could say Hitler was a "conviction politician". Not being able to go back on your word isn't always a good thing. Look at George.

Prince has been exceptionally busy during the past 24 hours. Not content with ruling over London for a month and some change, he popped up in Prague yesterday to film the video for Somewhere On Planet Earth. A report on housequake.com, has him playing piano on a bridge in the middle of the city. He must have got bored of running around the capital with The New Power Generation. For some reason, I can't help but think of Prince and the NPG as a single entity. Like a funky version of the Ant Hill Mob from Wacky Races. When you're money's that long, I guess it takes more to keep you entertained than us regular folk can understand. The open-top bus tour around the sights, getting your caricature drawn in Leicester Square and dinner at the Angus Steak House just won't cut it. His next show is on the 6th so he has a couple of days to jet around Europe filming scenes before it's 'back to the grindstone'...

War! Uh-huh! What's it good for???

The Quest is Done: Tactically withdraw! Tactically withdraw!





Monday September 3rd: Gordon gave his strongest indication yet that he's drawing a line under Blair's term in office, with the declaration that we are entering the age of a "new type of politics". That's it Gordon! Allow the pussyfooting and do something. The Guardian reports that he has hired two Tories and a Liberal Democrat to consult as he looks to bridge party divides. Once again, Gordon's inner businessman is in charge. That's a hostile takeover, right there. If Dave wasn't already completely screwed, having his own bredrin working with The Man should just about finish off the process.

Also in the news, is the withdrawal of British troops from Basra Palace. Only as far as Basra Airfield. Crafty. They'll be on those planes and back in Blighty before George knows it. That's the army equivalent of creeping out at 5:30 in the morning, shoes in hand, before leaving a note on the hall table: 'It was fun - Will call you'. Here's hoping that the front door is not deadlocked.

It's good to see that he wasn't afraid to do something sensible, just because he was scared of looking like a wimp. Blair was too shook of George to actually stand up for himself, and us, by proxy. Withdrawing 5000 troops is a pretty effective way of saying "Later".

Gordon has also said that now is not the time for an election, which means that he will toy with Dave for a bit longer before finally smashing him into paste in the spring.

Prince's 14th concert was covered by Mick Brown, in the latest in the Telegraph's series of celebrity reviews. It appears he was particularly fond of The Twinz. He also called Prince "a tiny love god".

3121.com ordains KoRn's (I know, I didn't think they were still around either) latest effort 'Y'All Wanna Single' "hilarious and true". The fact that the video delivers a few home truths about the music biz, may or may not be the reason that the man who once wrote 'Slave' on his cheek after a fallout with his label bosses and gave away his last album away free in *shudder* The Daily Mail likes the clip...

Don't make me angry....

Say hello to my little friend: The proposed monument to Rod Liddle.

Sunday September 2nd: Armando Iannucci, the brain behind classic programming such as The Day Today and I'm Alan Partridge, weighs in on the Diet Blair issue for The Observer. He, too, sees something slightly ludicrous about the prospect of a bare knuckle fight over the state of the NHS. Mr Iannucci also notes the tangible relief of senior Conservatives that they no longer have to tow the party line of hugging hoodies. It's back to the good old days. Drag the swine into the town square and let them feel the smart snap of the birch...

Elsewhere, Jasper Gerrard makes a stand for those who have not fallen under Gordon's spell. He finishes the piece, with what I think is an invite to revolution.

The main target of today's vitriol is The Sunday Times columnist, Rod Liddle for his views on Nelson Mandela's statue. "There was no room, either [on the plinth]," he says "for those black race traitors whom Nelson's organisation Spear of The Nation, which he once led subjected to torture and staggering brutality" in Angolan concentration camps." Mr. Liddle seems to forget that this country itself, was built on the a regime of cruelty that spread misery wherever it went and reached across most of the world. And as for it's legacy? Well, the National Portrait Gallery, one of the brightest stars in London's cultural firmament, was built using profits from the slave trade. Shall we talk about the High Street bank that used similar methods to fill its coffers?

Would Liddle have preffered Mr. Mandela to authorise a bloody purge of the White South Africans who had enforced apartheid, rather than looking upon his former captors as people deserving of pity? It would certainly have sat more easily with his 'interesting' views on African leaders.

Liddle also adds his tuppence worth to the story of Daniel arap Moi, the former Kenyan leader, who embezzled a billion pounds from his country's economy. "This is, by African standards, a bit of a letdown", he writes. He then goes on to say that Moi got away with it because "the western world's attention was concentrated upon those rather more in-your-face deranged African megalomaniacs, the ones who found time, between siphoning off the national GDP, to eat people."

Well, I've checked my bank account and if I spread it over a couple of cards, I can afford to give £10,000 to whoever brings me Liddle's head in a bag.

As I'm sure Rod would agree, there's nothing like the good old-fashioned type of scumbag politicians England has produced. Celebrity shits such as Jeffrey Archer, with their flair for perjury and mediocre novels, make the world a much better place.

I can say things like that about Archer all day. It's cool, we're represented by the same agency.

The way he talked you'd almost believe that British politics was a gentleman's sport and not at all run by rich morons, liars, adulterers, con artists, buffoons, arms dealers, control freaks and on the low cottagers.

Another surprise from the superstar who just keeps on giving last night. As well as the cover of Honky Tonk Women, Prince found time to cover a number by another piano virtuoso, switching up halfway through The One into Alicia Keys' Fallin. Will.I.Am of the Black Eyed Peas popped down to the O2 as a guest on Musicology and hung about for the aftershow jam. People tend to write Will off as the guy with the funny socks, from the group with the girl who wet herself on stage. They forget that the late Eazy-E signed the Peas, in one of their earlier guises to Ruthless Records - the same label which gave the world N.W.A.

And the band plays on...