Sunday September 9th: While patience is a virtue, I must admit that I'm waiting like a kid on Christmas Eve for Dave's replies to The Daily Telegraph questions. On Tuesday tea-time, he will face what should be a partisan crowd, but a few hecklers have probably snuck in (Thank you, thank you...).
To be fair there were some people on there who were being very vocal about their displeasure. Everything from his policies, to his very manhood (pause) was questioned.
The Telegraph are also running a picture of Jonah Eliasch - the Tory donor who defected to Labour on their website, today. He doesn't look like a happy customer. The look of disapproval on his face was so amusing to me, that I flouted copyright law, just to share it with you. To add to the indignity of the whole matter, the Telegraph claim that Diet Blair made "a flurry of calls" to Mr. Eliasch upon finding out what he had planned. I can just imagine Dave on his knees in the middle of Parliament Square screaming "DON'T LEAVE! WE CAN CHAAAAAAANGE!"
The worst part, of course, is that he took all that dough over to Gordon's house. Rumours abound that he made a fort out of it under the dining room table.
So, if you happened to be at tonight's show at the O2 and you heard someone sobbing loudly during Nothing Compares 2 U, it's likely that you could have been sitting next to the Leader of The Opposition.
Gordon has today announced plans for immigrants to have their English speaking skills tested before they enter the country. If this was meant to be a deterrent of some sort it probably won't work. I've learnt French and German in the past - they were definitely more difficult than English, mainly because you have to attribute gender to everyday items such as a door or a car. In French you have a 50/50 chance of getting it right. The odds are slashed to 33.3% in German. In English we have 'the'. It's that simple. Just raw, uncut definitve article.
Most of the world speaks English, or at least understands it. That's what happens when you conquer large swathes of land and enforce your language and culture on the new 'subjects'. If you watched a few summer blockbusters you could pick up some key phrases to help you get by in everyday life ("I love you, Mary Jane", "Transform and roll out" etc).
It would be kinda cool to meet someone who had learnt to speak the language after watching, say, The Sweeney. The word 'slag' would pretty much be a term of endearment to them.
It would, however, be hypocritical to ask people hoping to move here to take a test on their knowledge of English history, simply because if you asked the (English)man on the street when the Battle Of Trafalgar was, for example, they wouldn't know. I'm not going to front - I don't know either. I could google it, but I'm not going to. Why? Because that shit bores me. Especially when I'm trying to play X-Box. Now, move from in front of the telly.
And in case you forgot, St.George was an immigrant too...Just a thought, would dragon slaying be come under Highly-Skilled or Skilled work?
As the first week of his slightly less hectic schedule draws to a close, so begins the end for Prince. He has showed restraint, uncommon in rock stars by not turning up wasted at every celebrity event in a 30 mile radius. Good for him.
Having got the green light from Stephanie, Dame Lucy's stand-in while she's off on holiday, (Wave at Dame Lucy's plane, everybody) - I will be back in the trenches for the final time on the 21st of this month. Stephanie, politely declined the offer of an MBE nomination saying simply:
"Happy to help if we can."
What a lady.
