Monday August 2oth: Most of today's newspapers have picked up the story of the clandestine plans for an October general election. The Conservatives will find themselves up against it, if the starting pistol is fired. Sure they're making all the relevant statements - we'll fight them on the health service, we'll fight them in the tax office etc. - but would they really be willing to make a go of it with Dave as their leader?
Margaret Thatcher would roll over in her 'Mumm-Ra The Everliving' sarcophogus.
How long then, before Diet Blair is mysteriously called out of the country never to be seen again? Mrs Cameron would shortly thereafter, without explanation, start to take delivery of large packages of 'luncheon meat' bound by what appears to be a selection of Dave's favourite ties...
The Tories have also found a chink in the Gordon's armour, adding reform of the NHS to their election manifesto. I can understand that - medical staff work insane hours and the crazy superbugs that hang around wards mean that you can now go into hospital to get sick. As ways of looking for an opponent's weakness go, that's a pretty slick one.
Trevor Kavanagh of The Sun, is not buying the Commie, 'we're on the crest of the wave' rhetoric that some of the Left Wing papers are spouting right now. No, sir. Because of Gordon, soldiers are being killed in Afghanistan and youths, fuelled by White Lightning, run the streets of our city centres. This country is on a Sat-Nav plotted course straight to Hell in a handbasket and only the sheepishly grinning Diet Blair can save us.
An October general election won't be pretty. On top of all the standard brouhaha that comes with this of a free and democratic society, you can expect a few PR faux-pas - with just over a month until any election, tempers will get frayed and bad (hopefully libellous) things will be said and done. Like the picture of Blair with devil eyes a few years back. Come to think of it - that was surprisingly accurate. This one is going to be dirty. A war that will be waged with no prisoners being taken. I look forward to seeing members of the Liberal Democrats being chased around London like a scene from The Warriors.
At best, it appears that he is waiting. Like Wilbur the Pig in Charlotte's Web, for spring and the farmer's axe. At worst he'll be dragged round to the back of the yard sometime in October, squealing and writhing, to have both barrels emptied right between his eyes. Metaphorically speaking, of course.
Gordon is undoubtedly still in the middle of his honeymoon period. His sensible approach has meant that by and large the public seems to trust him. No flair, no fuss. He is the Vauxhall Vectra of politicians.
Prince keeps up the good work early this week. He is currently at #9 in the UK album chart with the Ultimate compilation. Apparently he had Julia Stiles singing Play That Funky Music at the weekend too. Looks like his trip to the premiere of The Bourne Ultimatum was all about business after all...
