It's official, the battle for London starts here:
By Reverend Media (based on the poster for the infamous Riddick Bowe fight interrupted by a parachutist)Many thanks to Jimmy for the artwork. The boy's a genius, no?
The Daily Mirror have today declared their undying love for Gordon and begged for an autumn election. That's like getting a girl's name tatooed on you after you've been seeing each other for a month and a half. Creepy. Diet Blair has disappeared from sight - appearing briefly as a foot and mouth affected cow in The Independent's cartoon. Even The Daily Mail, traditional bearers of the Blue Standard, have turned their back on him in disgust, much like the Cobra Kai coach in Karate Kid when his student loses, even after sweeping the leg.
It is possible that he may have been taken hostage deep in the Afghan mountains, while looking for a place that The Old Boys Club couldn't have him 'iced'. When they received the phonecall demanding the ransom at Conservative Party HQ, whoever answered the phone (probably the original 'foot-in-mouth' rudebwoy, Boris) simply said "Sorry, my good man - we don't know any 'Dave'." *Click*.
Trevor Kavanagh in The Sun is terrified of being tricked into Europe - stating that "Britain's vital relationship with the US will be shredded for ever." In recent years, that relationship may have seemed like the one Paris Hilton has with her handbag micro-dog, but don't bite that hand that buys the Pedigree Chum, right?
The issue of George Bush's gift to Gordon last week is on the verge of becoming an international incident. It was revealed yesterday that journalists had snuck a peek inside the box on the chartered plane they were sharing with Gordon and taken a photo of the jacket. They all swore each other to secrecy. Swearing a journalist to secrecy is like swearing a prostitute to celibacy. Within hours the photos had made it onto the internet. The British government rushed to deny suggestions that The Prime Minister would not be seen dead in such an item and so 'Bombergate' was born. If I was Gordon, I would ask George for one of those 7XL 'Stop Snitching!' T-Shirts next time.
Foot and mouth is still in the papers but no major outbreak has been reported. It's just sort of lurking around Surrey, and making people feel a little uneasy. Like Phil Collins.
That most important of celebro-social barometers, The OK! Celebrity Chart, places Prince at number 6 for the week. He earned his rating for the "rave reviews as he kicks off a string of mind blowing gigs at London's O2 Arena." Fair enough. Above him in the fame ladder this week are two Big Brother contestants (and your fifteen minutes starts...........NOW!) and David Beckham, who must have made a couple of million dollars for warming the LA Galaxy bench since his transfer. Good work!
That's all for Mr. Nelson today - it's been two days since the last show, so the plaudits and hyperbole should be with us again around midweek.
And we may have our first candidate for a 'dousing'. One newspaper ran a review of the first night at the O2 four days after the event and said piece seemed to contain a poor facsimilie of my deliciously descriptive turn of phrase. Imitation, so they say, is the greatest form of flattery. It's nice to know you're reading.
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